Feeling Extra Emotional Lately? And Now Your Back Hurts? “Being Leaky” Might Explain Everything

If you’re crying more, feeling tender, and your back suddenly flared—there’s a reason your body is reacting now.

When your emotions start overflowing and a new ache suddenly appears in your body, most people chalk it up to “stress,” “hormones,” or “just a tough week.”

But when these two things show up together—
emotional overflow + new physical pain—
your system is communicating something deeper.

I call this being leaky.

Leakiness isn’t weakness.
It isn’t lack of resilience.
It’s not you “falling apart.”

Leakiness is your nervous system preparing you for emotional contact with a person or situation tied to an unhealed childhood wound.

And with holiday gatherings approaching, leakiness becomes even more common.

Let’s dive into what this means, why it happens, and how your body is trying to support you.

What Does It Mean to Be “Leaky”?

Being leaky means your emotions are coming out unexpectedly.  Emotional and physical boundaries become more permeable—more sensitive—because your nervous system senses something familiar, something unresolved, something you needed to survive as a child.

Leakiness often shows up as:

• Crying easily

• Feeling “fragile” or tender

• Getting overwhelmed quickly

• Feeling irritated or overstimulated

• A sense of heaviness in the chest or belly

• Trouble sleeping

• Feeling like something is “off”

You’re not overreacting.
Your system is remembering.

Leakiness is your nervous system whispering:
“We’ve been here before. Please pay attention.”

Signs You’re “Being Leaky” (More Than Just Tears)

Leakiness doesn’t only show up during big emotional moments.
It shows up subtly, quietly, in the everyday moments where your system is closer to the surface.

You might notice yourself:

• Crying at commercials

• Tearing up at a song you’ve heard a hundred times

• Feeling more sensitive to drama or conflict

• Getting triggered by other people’s stress quicker than usual

• Feeling overstimulated in crowds or loud rooms

• Tearing up when no one else reacts

• Feeling like emotions are “right under the surface”

• A bubbling sensation in the throat or chest

• A sense of being emotionally porous

None of these are coincidence.

Something in your system is loosening—rising—preparing to be acknowledged.

If you’re leakier than usual, ask yourself:

“Am I about to spend time with someone connected to a childhood wound?”
Because most of the time, the answer is yes.

Leakiness is your early-warning system.

Leakiness Is Not a Problem — It’s a Message

Leakiness is your body saying:

“I want your presence.”
“I want protection.”
“I can’t keep holding this alone.”

Leakiness is the invitation.
Repair is the answer.

Why Leakiness Points Toward the Childhood Attachment Wound

Leakiness almost always leads back to a childhood attachment injury—a deep emotional bruise formed when your younger self didn’t consistently receive emotional safety, attunement, or nurturing.

Attachment isn’t just about love.
Attachment is how safe it felt to be yourself.

Attachment asks:

• Did I feel seen?

• Did I feel soothed?

• Did someone show up when I was overwhelmed?

• Was it safe to have needs?

• Was it safe to express emotions?

• Was I believed when telling the truth?

When the answer was inconsistent, your young body adapted.

You learned:

• “Stay quiet.”

• “Don’t upset anyone.”

• “Be the helper.”

• “Don’t cry.”

• “Be easy to love.”

• “Take care of others.”

• “Shrink yourself.”

Even if your childhood looked “normal,” your attachment system remembers emotional reality, not logistics.

So now, as an adult, any situation that mirrors that old dynamic—even slightly—wakes up the younger part of you.

Leakiness is that younger self coming forward and saying:

“We’re going back to a place where I once felt small, unseen, or unsafe. Will you stay with me this time?”

Leakiness isn’t regression.
It’s emergence.
It’s the part of you that finally trusts you enough to ask for help.  It’s time to listen to your body.

Why You’re Emotional and Your Back Suddenly Hurts

Leakiness may show up emotionally first…
and then physically.

When your emotional system becomes activated, your body begins to brace—just like it did decades ago.

You may notice:

• New lower back pain

• Increased muscle tension

• Tight hips

• Neck or shoulder pain

• Jaw clenching

• Headaches

• Digestive distress

• Autoimmune flare-ups

This isn’t random.

Your body isn’t betraying you.

It’s preparing you.

When you’re about to see someone who once made you shrink, suppress, or self-sacrifice, your implicit memory systems light up.

Your mind may think,
“It’s just Thanksgiving dinner.”
Your body says,
“This is the place where I used to brace.”

Emotional threat = physical threat in the brain.
That’s why emotional pain becomes physical pain because your brain, body, and nervous system respond to emotional threat the same way they respond to physical threat. The body doesn’t distinguish between the two.

The Science Behind Being Leaky

Leakiness is deeply rooted in neuroscience and somatic psychology.

1. The Amygdala Activates Faster Than Conscious Thought

Your brain is wired to sense emotional danger before logical processing.

Leakiness is your amygdala doing its job.

2. Implicit Memory Doesn’t Use Words

Early emotional experiences are stored in the body, not the mind.

Leakiness is your body remembering what your mind cannot articulate.

3. Pain Pathways Light Up During Emotional Threat

The same neural pathways process emotional pain and physical pain.

This is why your body aches during emotional activation.

4. The Body Braces… Automatically

Your nervous system contracts for protection.

This bracing pattern leads to inflammation, tension, and pain flare-ups.

Why Leakiness Intensifies Around Family

Returning to family often invites old roles to surface:

• The Peacemaker

• The Caregiver

• The “Easy Child”

• The Responsible One

• The Invisible One

• The Problem-Solver

• The One Who Doesn’t Make Waves

Leakiness appears because the cost of these roles still lives in your tissues.

Your system says:
“I don’t want to repeat that pattern.”

And thank God—because healing begins exactly at that moment.

Leakiness Means Your Body Trusts You Enough to Speak Up

Leakiness isn’t your downfall.
It’s your awakening.

Your system is inviting you to show up differently.

To stay with the younger version of you.
To offer presence instead of suppression.
To listen instead of override.
To repair instead of repeat.

Leakiness is the doorway.
And you are the one who walks yourself through it.

What To Do When You Feel Yourself Getting Leaky

1. Validate the Experience

Tell yourself:
“My body is remembering something. This makes sense.”

2. Use Breathwork (Long Exhale Pattern)

Inhale 4
Exhale 6
Repeat for 60 seconds.

It immediately reduces activation.

3. Hand on Heart + Belly

This activates pressure receptors that calm the emotional brain.

4. Name What You Feel in Sensation Language

“My chest feels tight.”
“There’s pressure in my throat.”
“My back feels heavy.”

This shifts the brain from emotional reactivity to regulation.

5. Ask the Key Question

“What part of me is asking for protection right now?”

Let the body—not the brain—answer.

6. Reach Out for Support

Leakiness means your system is ready for healing.

If you’re noticing yourself becoming emotional, achy, or overwhelmed—especially around the people or places tied to old wounds—you don’t have to navigate that alone.
This is the heart of the work I do.
Through Introspective Breathwork®, somatic processing, and trauma-informed emotional healing, I help you untangle the old patterns your body is still carrying so you can finally feel safe, steady, and whole.

If you need support, reach out.
Your system is speaking because it’s ready for deeper healing, and I’m here when you are.